Date:	2009-01-19 02:32
Subject:	Abandonement
Security:	Public
Mood:	lethargic
Music:	Let Go - Frou Froi

From behind these bars, he cannot speak.
His tongue went the way of his innocence.
Guilty, condemned to life … without control.

He is a prisoner of his own fears.
The blues he wears rival the blues he feels.
Uniformed in self-pity, there is no escape.

The gates on his heart are padlocked.
The walls to his conscience cannot be cleared.
The bars on his cell are foolproof, except for one.

It’s become clear that the shell of his existence is vacuous.
The only infallible person in his life has become impure.
The only thing mistake-free has become blotted in red ink.

No jury can erase what’s on her record.

Legs pumping, lungs evacuated.
Breathing my last, I’m giving up.

Hope has been terminated.
My heart was surrendered.
My will, forfeited.

Morality is in question.
Heart is out of commission.
Actions are in doubt.
Hands are out, but there is no reward to collect.
The mind is in a chaotic state.
Fastened to the self is a sign that reads ‘Out of Order.’

Individuality is a form of limitation, powerlessness.
Mirrors reflect only what is desired, what is proper.
Dark rooms are inhabited by the shadows of past lives.
Lurking within is the person I once was.

Returning to normalcy is the only option.
The monarchy reigns; don the uniform of dependence.
Freedom was compromised at conception.
There is no escape from the reign of the unjust.

The cries of those afflicted will not be heard.
Silence is golden.

Date:	2008-06-10 12:10
Subject:	Is this the time? Is this the place?
Security:	Public
Mood:	lonely
Music:	Yes - Coldplay

I'm desperately in search of an outlet: somewhere to spew the poisons inside and free myself of the contagiousness, the cantankerousness, the vengeance, the illwill, the bad feelings.

I write for a living. My employment is based on regurgitation of facts that don't apply to me, the development of someone else's interests and the documentation of someone else's opinions. I need a place that's uniquely my own. I've tried journaling. I have four leather-bound notebooks to prove it, each covered in multi-colored inks and home to scrawlings from various days' energies. My passion and emotions line the insides, serving as posterity's reminder of which paths to avoid.

There are closeted thoughts shoved onto the shelves of my soul, collecting dust. Untouched, unkempt. There are feelings buried six feet beneath the surface of my heart, never to emerge without the proper motivation. There is a roomful of banter in my brain, making its tenants uncomfortable with each and every woeful word.

Six billion people inhabit this earth but I've never felt more alone than I do today.

Date:	2007-12-20 01:11
Subject:	Do you believe what you see?
Security:	Public
Mood:	peaceful
Music:	Homecoming - Kanye and Coldplay

Close to four months since I logged into LJ. Just as long since my last post. My apologies, life has been like an elevator: Everyone's on for the ride, while it's going up, but everyone jumps off when things go down.

Here's a quick recap of my life since August:
1. Moved from Virginia back to Philly. My internship at The Pilot was through, so I needed to find a sportswriting gig elsewhere.
2. New job. I'm the boys basketball beat writer for the Delaware County Daily Times. Neato, huh?
3. No more girlfriend. It was shortlived, my relationship with this girl named Scotti, whom I met while living in Virginia. Refresher: She was the single, 21-year-old mother of one that I had considered not dating at all before taking the unique, eye-opening, life-changing plunge of dating a mother. I live life without regrets and closing the door on a relationship with her would have been a regret for me, so I'm glad I took the chance. It didn't work, but what's two months anyway?
4. Fallout with my religion. I hate to admit it, but I've fallen away from my faith. I don't pray as often. I haven't been to mass since August. I haven't reconciled my transgressions in two years. I just feel out of touch with my Lord.
5. Living at home. Not ideal, but economical. Plus, even though I work when my parents don't and vice versa, it always feels good just to be home.

So that's that. I'm not content by any stretch of the word, but I'm hopeful and contemplative and constantly dreaming. And I'm going to make the most of Christmas. Hopefully, it'll steer me closer to my family, my Lord and the center of my being.

Happy holidays, with love.

Date:	2007-08-31 23:08
Subject:	Another two months, another poem
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed
Music:	SportsCenter

Two posts in three months, I am not the model of consistency. But I honestly never know where to turn when I feel like crap. So Livejournal has become my outlet.

I need to know what you all think about "Can't Do This," a poem about something I'm about to face for the first time ever Saturday night:
That phone call I will remember
for as long as I shall live.
She asked me if it mattered
that she has a kid.

"Could you clarify?"
is all I had to ask
to give myself an alibi,
a quick and painless out.

A quick and painless out.

But I think, I think I'll take your hand.
You and me, we'll give this one good chance.
But if it ain't right, I'm headin' out that door.
I hope you'd understand; can't do this anymore.

Anymore.

Empty and hurt is how I'm feelin'.
Did I drop the ball?
That's it, that's all I'm sayin'.
Was this the right call?

Something tells me
this ain't feeling right.
I'll ask, 'Can you help me
get through just this one night?'

Just tonight.

Because I think, I think I did this wrong.
You and me, we simply don't belong.
This just don't feel right, I'm headin' out that door
I hope you understand; can't do this anymore.

I can't do this anymore.
I can't do this anymore.
I just can't do this anymore.
I can't do this anymore.

I can't do this.
I'm sorry.

I'm hurting, clearly.

Date:	2007-06-17 21:53
Subject:	Nowhere else to turn...
Security:	Public
Mood:	apathetic
Music:	She Talks to Angels - Black Crowes

Nearly two months ago, I called it quits. I said, to the Livejournal community, that this was 'the end of an era'.

I lied. I thought long and hard about re-launching myself back into LJ. And I concluded that I need an outlet for how I've been feeling lately. And my professional work blog (http://chrisvito.blogspot.com, for all who haven't yet visited) isn't the right medium for what I'm about to type:

Standing, waiting. At the station.
A train'll carry me to my destination.

In this profession, I can't determine
what is real and what's a creation
of my imagination.

Is this all just a fabrication?

I know who, who I want to be. But I cannot see
because the road ahead is a wee bit blurry.

I could stop and ask directions.
But that only admits my degree of frustration
in one, long search for an inevitable location.

Where this is, I don't know.

Every so often, I get this sensation
that it's time to send another application.

Maybe it's a combination,
of dedication and desperation.
Or it's the formation of this notion
that I need a vacation.

I need help.

Date:	2007-04-24 10:54
Subject:	There's no more truth to renounce...
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined
Music:	I'm a Ghost - Ted Leo & The Pharmacists

So this is how it feels at the end of an era.

It's been a while since my last post (I feel like I'm saying that a lot) and I'm tired of keeping you all in suspense with how I'm doing, what I'm up to and where I'm headed in life. Those who actually read this thing, you don't deserve that. You've been too good to me over the years.

I just think that, at this stage of my life, I have to go in a different direction. I have to close a chapter in my life. Sadly, LiveJournal is that chapter. It's hard enough going to school fulltime and working close to 40 hours a week while maintaining some semblance of a social life.

On top of that, AIM, blogger.com, three jobs and my family --- not in that order, of course --- tend to get the rest of my waking attention. If you need me from here on out, I'll be posting regularly on my journalism blog (http://templesportsreporter.blogspot.com).

But this isn't the end altogether. I'm almost certain I'll be checking in periodically. After all, I can't completely turn my back on people who have been there to comfort and reassure me so often these last two-and-a-half years.

Trust me, it's been a good run. Take care and God bless.

Date:	2007-03-23 16:02
Subject:	You know where I'll be found...
Security:	Public
Mood:	sore
Music:	When I Come Around - Green Day

I have to keep this short so my editor doesn't know I'm not doing my job. But I also wanted to make sure everyone knew I was still alive.

I haven't posted for six weeks and I haven't logged in for four. Here's my top five reasons why that's been the case:
-5 classes that have pillaged my free time. I'm really growing apathetic toward school work.
-4 jobs. Yep. You read right. Stringing for the Inquirer and the Courier Times, taking scores for the Inquirer and managing The Temple News. Life sucks. Money doesn't.
-3 end-of-the-semester projects that have left me dreary and sleepless for much of the last six weeks.
-2 months until graduation. I'm trying to soak up as many late-college memories as possible. Sue me.
-1, as in there's only one me and right now I'm being stretched far too thin.

Anyway, that's all. I hope everyone's well. Please post here, because I can't promise when the next time will be that I'll be on here.

Peace. Love. Vito.

Date:	2007-02-13 10:44
Subject:	This love is killing me...
Security:	Public
Mood:	intimidated
Music:	Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch

"On the first day of college, a bright-faced, spry young man saunters into the office of his university's student newspaper. Seeking a job and a lifetime of memories, he requests an interview.

"Days later, a phone call signals that he'd be granted that five-minute gap to make his pitch for a permanent position. With time not on his side, the young man receives a call weeks later saying he had been hired.

"Rejoice, smiles and happy times soon follow. The end."

That's where I would've liked to have ended my fairy tale with The Temple News. But this semester, under this tyrannical reign, under this immense pressure to be someone's puppy dog, I almost can't take it.

I want out. I really do. But I don't want to be labeled a quitter. I don't want to be the one friends point their fingers at. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want my three-and-a-half years here to be for naught. It's turned into a nightmare.

I don't want that. But I want to be happy. I don't think there can be a compromise here. Something's got to give.

Date:	2007-02-08 14:52
Subject:	A Coldplay kind of day...
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad
Music:	Parachutes - Coldplay

After a quiz but before work, I had a chance to reflect on things today. It's not too often I get an opportunity to do that, so I took it today.

For the most part, it was a disappointing experience. In between random thoughts about the past and the present, I gave a lot of thought to the future.

And that scares me. So I wrote the following (what I call "Missing-Home Syndrome") as a way to channel it all out of my system for the time being.

In the life of Chris Vito, it's definitely a Coldplay kind of day:

I'm still here, I've gone nowhere.
But down I've come with Missing-Home Syndrome.

The days are winding down. I'm feeling down 'cause of countdowns.
Soon I'll get a job, even sooner's graduation.

Calm down, slow down the inhalations.

Life's moving too fast, not fast enough.
Good times, they lie ahead.
Hell, dreams are made of this stuff.

Right here in my room, my move-out day looms.
For now, I'm still here. I've gone nowhere.
But down I've come, down I've come,
with Missing-Home Syndrome.

Date:	2007-01-26 10:00
Subject:	The Phillies, Virginia Beach, and SB XLI
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy
Music:	King of Pain - The Police

It's official --- I have Phillies fever. With just more than two weeks to go until pitchers and catchers head down to Clearwater, Fla., my life blood (The Phillies) is finally back for another great summer.

But I'm not going to be around to see them.

As of Tuesday, I am officially the summer sports reporting intern of the Virginian-Pilot. I'll be down there for three (maybe three-and-a-half) months as a reporter, and then another two or so on the desk taking scores nightly.

It's going to be awesome. I'm very pumped that a) it was a six-month gig and not just a summer thing and b) that I'm still on the East Coast. Just in case the Phillies make a postseason run, I'm only five hours away.

So yeah. That's the news and I can't wait for the summer. Until then, here's a little photographic preview of what Super Bowl XLI will hold (Peyton gets mauled):


I hope tomorrow is like today.

Date:	2007-01-14 00:57
Subject:	Let's start over...
Security:	Public
Mood:	enraged
Music:	It's Not Over - Chris Daughtry

There are way too many numbers on my mind right now. It just totally blows my... well... mind. Consider the following:
---In two days, the last semester of my college career begins.
---One month rests between me and the last of my applications being answered. Job offers - God willing - will soon roll in.
---The Eagles, pending an agressive 4th and 3 call at the goalline, should have scored the game-winning touchdown.
---The wait until the return of new Prison Break episodes is down to eight days. Can't wait.
---Four represents how many times I tooted my Mummers-style horn tonight, to celebrate the very number of times the Eagles put points on the board.

But I suppose the most important number is thirty-three. That's the number of days until pitchers and catchers report to Clearwater. Go Fightins'... the season's almost here. I can smell it already.

Date:	2007-01-09 13:48
Subject:	I got black eyes but they burn, so brightly for her...
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored
Music:	radio off in the distance

At Temple for the day. Meeting up for lunch with my Temple News adviser and with my former sports editor from The Temple News, who's in town to cover the Pistons/Sixers game for the Detroit Free Press.

One day I'd like to end up at a big-time paper like that. Where roadtrips are made with a team. Where meals and hotel stays are comp'ed. Where my priority for six to eight months is a team, it's players and their personalities --- not classes, textbook purchases or a student newspaper.

I'm kind of saying it right here, right now --- I want out. I want out of everything. I'm done with school. I'm done with needless frustration, whether it's from a newspaper staff or a teacher who won't cut me some slack.

After lunch, I'll be here, in The Temple News' office. Cleaning out my computer. Just in case.

Between now and graduation, there are 15 issues of The Temple News slated to hit the stands. That's 15 more issues of a newspaper I've been a part of since my first day at Temple. That's 15 more issues of a paper I've helped put out 75 previous times.

So everyone, I have a question: Should I stay or should I go? Thank you to The Clash, who were my motivation for this.

Date:	2007-01-04 23:50
Subject:	We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder...
Security:	Public
Mood:	relaxed
Music:	We Belong - Pat Benatar

The subject line (and the music I'm listening to) has nothing to do with the post, but it's an awesome song. Now, about awesome music --- it's kinda late, but I'll post My top 10 albums of '06 at the conclusion of this post. Don't worry, it's under an LJ cut.

Well, it's been a while since I last posted so Happy New Year. Glad to be in '07. ('06 sucked something awful.) Here's a quick recap of what I've been up to...
---Working for the Inquirer and Courier Times.
---Hanging out with some of the Brois.
---Spending much-needed down time with my family.
---Going for what I like to call 'leisurely drives.'

So basically it's been laid back, to say the least.

OK, now onto ( my fave albums of 2006: )

Date:	2006-12-31 18:10
Subject:	YO ADRIAN! WE DID IT!
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	Shankbon - The Slackers

Jimmy Johnson didn't believe in us. Some others doubted us. But we did it! The Eagles did it! I might actually buy a NFC East championship shirt this time, because this one didn't come as easy as the others. Go Birds. See ya in 2007 --- and in the playoffs!

Date:	2006-12-27 17:37
Subject:	I'm tired and I want to go to bed...
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained
Music:	TV - NBC 10 News

Christmas is over. New Year's is approaching. My parents and sister have time off. But for some reason, I've been taking shift after shift at both the Inquirer and the Courier Times.

I'm off tonight (thank God, because I feel like crap), but I'll be working close to 40 hours between shifts on Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

Oy vei. I do have one thing to look forward to. Well, maybe two.



Nebraska/Auburn in the Cotton Bowl and The Mummers Parade in South Philly both are taking place New Year's Day. The game starts at 11:30 a.m. and the parade three hours before that. Then I have to make a trip to my aunt's place an hour away. It'll be a fun, looooong day.

See ya in 2007. God knows '06 has been a good one.

Date:	2006-12-23 00:37
Subject:	I hate Christmas parties...
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

It really doesn't feel like Christmas time. I can't put my finger on it. I really can't.

The lights are on my front lawn. The lights have been strung across my bedroom walls. The tree is up. My Santa hat is out... and most of the time, it's on my head. So I don't get it.

Maybe my empty wallet and has something to do with it.

Date:	2006-12-20 17:00
Subject:	It ain't over til it's over....
Security:	Public
Mood:	satisfied
Music:	Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - Beck

"I feel so Philly right now. I saw Rocky Balboa and I heckled a Cowboys fan."

I just got in from seeing the new Rocky movie with J, to whom that quote up there is attributed. It was a good time.

God Bless Philadelphia. Anybody else see it?

Date:	2006-12-20 09:32
Subject:	"What's left to ponder...?"
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	TV in the background

The results are in, amigos.

My grades from the Fall 2006 semester are here. Let me just preface these things by saying I had a rough couple months: The internship and my new position at The Temple News really created no time for anything but work, work, work. So here they are. I even surprised myself:

Four As. Two Bs. Semester GPA: 3.4.

Honestly, heading into finals, I called my academic adviser four times to ask what I'll need to do to graduate on time AFTER I fail two religion classes this semester.

Lo and behold, studying about 12 hours for each of those two finals paid off. I crammed just enough in that I did well enough on those last tests to make up for a semester of slacking off and being lazy.

Thank God and I hope I never come this close to failing again.

Date:	2006-12-15 09:46
Subject:	The Phillies are going to shit...
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	The quiet of my Temple News office

I mean, they might win a World Series along the way, but what's going on with them?

MLB nullifies a trade they made because they're breaking league rules? Trades of Jon Lieber and searches for outside bullpen help have come to standstills? What the hell - this is no way to build a championship team.

Aside from baseball, I just got out of my final for Religion & Psychology. One more to go, and it takes place in an hour. I've been up since 6 cramming and I am damn near dead. I'll need more than luck. I need all the prayers I can get.